I'm not really sure what to say today, although I feel something is appropriate. Today makes one year since my grandma went Home to meet our Savior and Lord face-to-face. Before September 2006 (when my papa passed away), I had had very little experience with death, but since then, I've become more familiar than I would have liked with it. I wish I had some profound wisdom to share about the subject, but I really don't. The only thing I've learned is that those people who say "it gets better with time" are complete liars. As each day passes, I find that I miss the two of them more, and the ironic thing is that I'm okay with it. Yes, I would rather still have them with me, but if that's not possible, then I'm at least happy that my longings for them intensify daily. Why would I be happy over this? Because it's a beautiful thing. I had two amazing grandparents that have made it very difficult for me to say good-bye to. The difficulties I have in dealing with good-bye just prove how blessed I was to ever have them in the first place. Isn't it nice to have something that makes saying good-bye to so hard? I am thankful for the 19 years or so that I had with them.
The smallest things remind me of them. I'm learning to appreciate those things that trigger my memories of them because they remind me of special times, and they remind me of two of my favorite people ever. As my mom said today, by traveling across Europe right now, I am doing something that Mama would have loved. I wish more than anything she could be with me right now to see all of the beautiful places WITH me! Still, I know that even if she isn't physically here, I still carry her and Papa in my heart, and because of that, I will never be separated from them. Death cannot take that from me, nor can death decrease my love for them. If anything, my love for them will just continue to grow as I miss them more and more. One thing is for sure: I will never, ever, ever forget them, and they will always be two of the most special people in my life. :)
Right before Mama passed away last year, Dad heard a song called "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley for the first time. Here are the lyrics:
When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky,
the first thing that I'm gonna do
is spread my wings and fly.
I'm gonna land beside a lion
and run my fingers through his mane,
or I might find out what it's like
to ride a drop of rain.
Yeah, when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open;
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah, when I get where I'm going,
don't cry for me down here.
I'm gonna walk with my granddaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then, I'll hug his neck.
So much pain and so much darkness
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions I can't answer,
so much work to do.
But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light
of His amazing grace.
Yeah, when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah, when I get where I'm going.
That song makes you view death in a different way, doesn't it? When Jesus sacrificed himself for us, He overcame death! Thus, by accepting Him, we too overcome death, and we will never be separated from God. We lose our bodies when die, but we gain real life, Eternal Life.. in a place where there are ONLY happy tears and you can walk with your granddaddy and see your Maker's face! :) In the John 10:10, Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." He provided us with real and eternal life, and it's better than we can ever imagine! Knowing that my two sweet grandparents are experiencing that life makes my heart rejoice. I may see beautiful places - the Alps, the sea, and more - but the wonders that they have in Heaven are so beautiful that I can't even imagine it! They are without pain or sadness; they are surrounded only by happiness! :)
I wear one of my grandma's rings on my left hand. On the inside of the ring the word "happiness" is engraved. How appropriate. My memories of her bring me happiness; knowing that she is with our Father and reunited with my grandpa brings me happiness. Today I thank God for providing us with a way to approach death in a hopeful manner, and today I will try not to cry for her down here.
The sun is setting in Valencia. It's made up of brilliant shades of pink and purple. I am smiling because I know she is part of that sunset; in some way, she is with me right now. :)
I love you always, Mama.
...than a thousand elsewhere.
5 comments:
It's a beautiful, warm, spring day full of sunshine, here in Oklahoma, (we haven't had very many of those kind of days lately), and I tend to believe that Mama just read your blog and she is BEAMING.....She is so proud of you. What a lovely tribute! Can't wait for you to get home-Love, MOM
Oh Allison, thank you so much for sharing that. It helps me to know that it's really okay to miss someone who we love and have lost...I know I still think about Granny all the time and miss her so much. Your mom's right, your grandma would be so proud of who for who you are and all the wonderful things that you're doing. Love you!
Allison! I love you girl, and I hope you're still doing well in Valencia. I loved this entry...it just makes me happy, and like Ashbar said, it helps to know it's okay to miss someone we've lost. My Mauz was a big part of my life and that "big" grows more and more everyday as I find little quirks about me that really belong to her.
HAVE A GREAT DAY, love!
That song makes me want to cry everytime I hear it. In fact, I think I did cry the first time I heard it. Like you said it is hard to miss those that we love, but at the sametime we can look forward to seeing them again because of Jesus! I love and miss you! You'll be back soon. Unfortunately I may not get to see you right away, but I WILL call you as soon as I can. I can't use my phone at camp while I'm working, but I will call you the first day off I have!!!
Allison...I just read your blog comment. It was amazing. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us. and thank you for sharing a semester with me. your friendship has meant a lot...when i freak out and you "less than 3" me, that means a lot...when you just randomly shout out funny things and buy 156 kilos of chicken, you make me laugh. thanks for the memories and thanks for sharing life with me!
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